{"id":2433,"date":"2020-08-15T15:06:32","date_gmt":"2020-08-15T13:06:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/?p=2433"},"modified":"2024-04-02T11:00:21","modified_gmt":"2024-04-02T09:00:21","slug":"consent-01-introduction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/consent-01-introduction\/","title":{"rendered":"Introduction"},"content":{"rendered":"
[vc_row full_width=”stretch_row_content_no_spaces”][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n

BDSM consent and negotiation guidelines<\/strong><\/h2>\n

by La quarta corda<\/strong><\/h4>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\n

1 – Introduction<\/strong><\/h4>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”2371″ img_size=”medium” alignment=”center”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row full_width=”stretch_row” css=”.vc_custom_1594715935987{background-color: #f7f7f7 !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n
TABLE OF CONTENTS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
\n\n\n\n
\n
    \n
  1. Introduction<\/a><\/li>\n
  2. A few definitions<\/a><\/li>\n
  3. The negotiation vocabulary<\/a><\/li>\n
  4. Trust<\/a><\/li>\n
  5. Experience<\/a><\/li>\n
  6. When and how much to negotiate<\/a><\/li>\n
  7. Expressing our motivation and expectations<\/a><\/li>\n
  8. Presenting our desires<\/a><\/li>\n
  9. Presenting our limits<\/a><\/li>\n
  10. Safeword<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/td>\n
\n
    \n
  1. Informing about any physical problems<\/a><\/li>\n
  2. Informing about possible psychophysical, emotional and psychological problems<\/a><\/li>\n
  3. Aftercare<\/a><\/li>\n
  4. Negotiating before the session<\/a><\/li>\n
  5. Negotiating during the session<\/a><\/li>\n
  6. Feedbacks<\/a><\/li>\n
  7. When the session is over<\/a><\/li>\n
  8. Consent<\/a><\/li>\n
  9. When consent breaks<\/a><\/li>\n
  10. Conclusions<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n

    \"\"INTRODUCTION<\/strong><\/p>\n

    These guidelines are the result of much work of research, reflection and discussion about consent and negotiation<\/strong> \u2013 two subjects I felt the need to analyse.<\/p>\n

    I decided to put my observation into writing first and foremost to remember myself of some important concepts I for one<\/strong> want to better approach, both for my and my partners\u2019 benefit. I am imperfect myself, and for this reason I did lots of work on myself, following an analysis path and beginning to solve a few more complex issues in order to try not making \u201cnevermore<\/strong>\u201d errors \u2013 like the tattoo I got \u2013 as I did in the past.<\/p>\n

    This is why I don\u2019t want to teach anything to anybody<\/strong>, so much so that I wrote these guidelines for myself in the first place, even if I hope they may become handy for anyone reading them.<\/p>\n

    We all can talk the talk, but when emotions and desires come into play we can\u2019t always rationally walk the walk. I realized I have sometimes done exactly what I am advising against myself, possibly without noticing, possibly in good faith, possibly overwhelmed by the situation.<\/p>\n

    \"\"I am perfectly aware that nobody always negotiates as in-depth as the \u201cRules for the perfect negotiation\u201d would mandate. Also: negotiating well still does not keeps us safe from having accidents<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

    Therefore, these guidelines are not exhaustive, definitive, universally valid, nor to be followed no matter what. They are a set of considerations that can act as a foundation or as food for thought, as if we could ask ourselves: \u201cWhat would I do if\u2026?\u201d.<\/p>\n

    Negotiation and consent are a constant thought and practice that cannot be reduced to a series of processes<\/strong>. My wish is for the message brought home by this essay to be not only \u201cwhat to do\u201d, but also \u201chow to do it\u201d, meaning how to establish good communication, tailored to the person we are interacting with. As I said, this guide is just a frame to dabble with, not a perfectly complete picture.<\/p>\n

    This is also the beauty of not being subject to rigid models: we can make mistakes and turn them into lessons for our improvement, our mind is wonderfully complex, we can sometimes desire something but also its opposite, we want to feel safe but also to explore what scares us.<\/p>\n

    When we do BDSM, we enter a very intimate physical and emotional space to share it with one or more persons. It is therefore good to do everything possible so that everything happens to the satisfaction and full consent of all those involved.<\/p>\n

    This is the purpose of negotiation.<\/p>\n

    .<\/span><\/p>\n

    \"\"NOTE<\/strong> \u2013 In this guide I refer to \u201ctop\u201d and \u201cbottom\u201d to indicate \u201cwho does\u201d and \u201cwho receives\u201d a practice, no matter the relationship (affective, sexual, power exchange, etc.) between the two. Also, I generally talk about two persons playing together, but every consideration can be extended to more players, and to every person involved in the scene in general.<\/p>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row full_width=”stretch_row” css=”.vc_custom_1594715935987{background-color: #f7f7f7 !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n\n\n\n\n
    Previous post<\/b><\/td>\nNext post<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
    \n

    \"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Table of contents<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

    		\n

    \"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

    2 –\u00a0A few definitions<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    [vc_row full_width=”stretch_row_content_no_spaces”][vc_column][vc_column_text] BDSM consent and negotiation guidelines by La quarta corda [\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text] 1 – Introduction…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2273,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,32,31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nawame","category-negotiation","category-safety"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2433","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2433"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2433\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3769,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2433\/revisions\/3769"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2273"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2433"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2433"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2433"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}