{"id":2453,"date":"2020-08-15T15:10:42","date_gmt":"2020-08-15T13:10:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/?p=2453"},"modified":"2021-06-30T17:21:54","modified_gmt":"2021-06-30T15:21:54","slug":"consent-19-when-consent-breaks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.laquartacorda.it\/en\/consent-19-when-consent-breaks\/","title":{"rendered":"When consent breaks"},"content":{"rendered":"
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BDSM consent and negotiation guidelines<\/strong><\/h2>\n

by La quarta corda<\/strong><\/h4>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]\n

19 –\u00a0When consent breaks<\/strong><\/h4>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”2371″ img_size=”medium” alignment=”center”][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row full_width=”stretch_row” css=”.vc_custom_1594715935987{background-color: #f7f7f7 !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n
TABLE OF CONTENTS<\/strong><\/h5>\n
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  1. Introduction<\/a><\/li>\n
  2. A few definitions<\/a><\/li>\n
  3. The negotiation vocabulary<\/a><\/li>\n
  4. Trust<\/a><\/li>\n
  5. Experience<\/a><\/li>\n
  6. When and how much to negotiate<\/a><\/li>\n
  7. Expressing our motivation and expectations<\/a><\/li>\n
  8. Presenting our desires<\/a><\/li>\n
  9. Presenting our limits<\/a><\/li>\n
  10. Safeword<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/td>\n
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  1. Informing about any physical problems<\/a><\/li>\n
  2. Informing about possible psychophysical, emotional and psychological problems<\/a><\/li>\n
  3. Aftercare<\/a><\/li>\n
  4. Negotiating before the session<\/a><\/li>\n
  5. Negotiating during the session<\/a><\/li>\n
  6. Feedbacks<\/a><\/li>\n
  7. When the session is over<\/a><\/li>\n
  8. Consent<\/a><\/li>\n
  9. When consent breaks<\/a><\/li>\n
  10. Conclusions<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]\n

    \"\"WHEN CONSENT BREAKS<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Managing an incident or violation of consent<\/strong> is an extremely complex and sensitive subject that would require a separate article. Therefore, I will try to summarise a few key points in order to reflect on how we might behave if we were involved in such a situation ourselves.<\/p>\n

    First let\u2019s see what the differences between consent \u201cviolation\u201d and \u201cincident\u201d are.<\/p>\n

    In the case of violation (or breach) of consent<\/strong>, a limit is deliberately overstepped, mostly with the aim of taking advantage of the situation.<\/p>\n

    By contrast, in a consent incident<\/strong> a limit is crossed unintentionally and doing so doesn\u2019t necessarily offer any advantage.<\/p>\n

    If with violation one of the two partners commits actual violence<\/strong>, in a consent incident the responsibility may be shared<\/strong> or even be with the person who has suffered the event.<\/p>\n

    An incident may occur in a session without breaching consent if, for example, you do something that wasn’t considered during negotiation and the other person doesn’t like it, or a partner forgets to inform about a given issue or limit regardless of exchanging information. Conversely, there can be a violation without this constituting an incident when, for example, we are subjected to something that we did not want to do but then realised we actually enjoyed doing it. The differences can therefore be very nuanced.<\/p>\n

    Be aware that consent violation also occurs when consent cannot be expressed<\/strong> by one of the partners for whatever reason and yet the other, while being aware of the situation, carries out what they wanted to do anyway. An example could be when a person is evidently not fully competent – because they are drugged, drunk, under emotional stress (depression, fear, sadness, etc.) or even asleep or unconscious – and therefore they cannot rationalise and fully express their consent. Violence also occurs when one of the partners takes advantage of a dominant position (D\/S relationship, job position, age difference, etc.), material or psychological blackmail to breach a limit or to obtain non-negotiated benefits.<\/p>\n

    \"\"Although consent incidents are not based on willful misconduct, the consequences for those who have suffered them are not always minor.<\/p>\n

    So let us once again reflect on the fact that the more sincere and precise we are when negotiating, the less risk of accidents we run, and that if we are intentionally unclear about certain aspects we want to leave less defined and \u201copen\u201d, we must also accept the consequences.<\/p>\n

    The negotiating tips listed at the beginning of these guidelines are good starting points, especially when we are not very well acquainted with each other. I will summarise some of them here:<\/p>\n