INFORMING ABOUT POSSIBLE PSYCHOPHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS

It is advisable not to undertake any activity that requires full awareness in the participants – both as top and bottom – if we are unable to consciously assess the risks, to express or respect consent, and to be aware of what we are doing due to the influence of mood swings, substances (drugs, medicines, alcohol, etc.) or anything else.

This also applies when we’d like to play or are asked to play with someone we understand not to be in the best of their psychophysical condition or able to express their consent. Taking advantage of a person who can’t say no to us because they are drunk for example, makes you an abuser anyway.

Having clarified this premise, it can also happen that, even though we are at the height of our abilities, we can still have moods, fears, traumas that can negatively affect our playing experience.

Negotiation sometimes only focuses on physical issues without taking into account psychological matters, which are just as important.

First of all, we can inform our partner about our state of mind in general, talking about how we feel about playing together, especially if our mood might affect the upcoming experience. For example, if we are particularly tense, we may not be able to enjoy the session to the fullest. In this case it is certainly more valuable to talk about it rather than masking our feelings out of fear of making a bad impression. This will allow us to relax and feel more comfortable, and the partner to better calibrate the way they interact with us.

If we are aware of any psychological issues that could affect the session, it’s good to bring them up. Some gestures may bring back to mind traumas that we might want to avoid. For example, a person may ask not to have their hair pulled or not to be hit with a belt because this reminds them of when they were punished as a child, or there may be areas of the body that we do not want to be touched because we do not feel comfortable with them, etc.

Some people may also have specific phobias (e.g. about needles or heights), or develop negative reactions as a result of particular stimuli (e.g. loud noises or screams).

Finally, the participants may suffer from diagnosed psychological disorders. Given the specificity and variety of the conditions, it is very difficult to give advice in this regard, so if we suffer from a specific pathology, it is preferable to talk to a specialist before engaging in practices that could have detrimental psychological effects. Generally speaking, it is better to approach kinky practices in an advanced state of therapy in order to understand and manage our disorder. In this case we will be able to negotiate more effectively, away from the manifestations of the disorder itself, and inform our partner of any possible reactions and relative triggers. In order to maintain our confidentiality, it is of course not necessary to explain the reason for any critical issues we may have.