BDSM consent and negotiation guidelines

by La quarta corda

13 – Aftercare


“Aftercare” indicates the attention that we must have at the end of the session, the moment that top and bottom take to “return to reality” after playing, a sort of “leave” during which to reconcile what we felt during the session with a positive experience.

Each person may need a different type of aftercare depending on their personal preferences, what they did during the session, the situation, etc. There is not one aftercare better than others.

There are those who prefer to be alone and those who want to stay close to their partner.

There are those who want to feel protected and comforted, those who need to unload their euphoria or excitement, those who need a hug, those who need to stay still, those who need to have sex, those who want to rethink about what happened and those who need to disconnect from the session and clear their mind.

Some need a very long aftercare and some just a few minutes.

There are also those who don’t want any aftercare.

The important thing is that everyone can live their “closure moment” as they need to, otherwise they may feel lost or experience unpleasant emotions.

Aftercare is not just a bottom’s prerogative, but also for top’s one. Many people believe that the top should handle the aftercare of the bottom; in fact, just as we played together during the session, we will both need our landing moment afterwards.

But why is aftercare part of the negotiation?

As we have seen, everyone needs different ways and times for their aftercare. It is therefore necessary to know oneself and to understand which aftercare we usually need, in order to be able to communicate it and at the same time to respect the type of aftercare required by the partner.

Sometimes it can happen that top and bottom are looking for different aftercare. Think of a bottom who after a session goes out to smoke a cigarette leaving the top alone just because that’s the kind of aftercare they need, yet the top might feel lost or think that the bottom couldn’t wait to leave, when they simply weren’t informed about the kind of aftercare the bottom was used to having.

So let’s spend some time during the negotiation to also talk about the conclusion of the session, in order not to have maybe a great session ruined by an ending that leaves us unsatisfied or disappointed.

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12 – Informing about psychophysical problems

14 – Negotiating before the session

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